Theory #9 - Theory of Substitutes (and the ultimate Need)

(sorry it's a long one)
i'm on a vacation of a different sort..
got to see new places.. and meet a whole bunch of new people.. got me thinking a lot.. of what we all have in common.. what's something that ties us..
maybe as usual it's the romantic in me talking.. but since i recently made a decision to put my heart on a shelf for a while, i hope this theory is wrong.


Theory of Substitutes (and the ultimate Need)

Someone once told me.. that the reason people date so much when they're young.. is not because they're actually in love, it's because they have a need inside them to "love"... and he just decided instead of pointing that need towards girls and ending up breaking up with them.. he'd just target it towards god... and use up all that energy there. that's his choice.
i believe that as much as we're selfish, i think god created us equally selfless... we are born with the desire and energy inside us to love and be loved. and lack of that drives us insane.

what is it that ties us all together? what is it that we all want even though not everyone can admit. i don't actually have a word for it. it's not just "love".. it's also the sense of acceptance by someone, affection.. understanding.. belonging. passion, approval. you know.. maybe even just that sense of touch.
if all those words and feelings could be jumbled up into the word "love" then ok, but i think it's more than that.. for the sake of argument.. i'll call it "the Need"
Adam and Eve were in heaven. It was just them.. in paradise.. they had no jobs, no pets, no friends, no family... just each other.. and that was it. and they were in paradise.

we are obviously now not in paradise, could i say that maybe since so many people have given up looking for their adams and eves, that they satisfay their Need with substitutes?

now to make this clearer.. the next situations i describe, try to imagine each situation... and fit it into an adequate partner for a person that would make their ideal mate. then you'll see what i see.

People lead a variety of lives.. but i think if we look close enough, everyone does or has something in their life that gives them a steady supply to the Need. and the ones that don't have it, are generally despressed and unhappy.
how do people get the Need? a lot of different ways.. cause there's a lot of different types. there are those who love their jobs.. and have such passion for it. meaning they wake up and can't WAIT to get to work. it's something they're good in.. something they might feel they connect to other people with, or something they might just feel more superior to others when performing..
There are others that love to share feelings with friends.. and their circle of friends are their whole lives.. connecting with them, sharing good times and bad times.. being there for each other, reaching out and helping them. Some people have pets.. so that they can have unconditional love.. and are able to dote on them and talk to them (mind you without having
them talk back) Other people party.. whatever kind of chemical or alcohol they take is to make them happy.. give them that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you're on cloud nine.
Some people concentrate on family. Mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters who make sure that whatever role they play in that family, they're proud of it and make it the essential part of their life.. family loyalty, pride and love. the sense of taking care of each other no matter what, and having nothing seperate you from one another no matter the consequences. Belonging. Others date.. wanting the touch of another person. the promises that comes with kisses and hugs, and the euphoria of someone's skin on the other.

these example may mix and match.. I'm sure there are more examples out there but i won't talk about them all.

All i'm trying to say here.. is that has all our lives really just become a series of substitutes? How many times have you heard people compare something in their daily lives to sex, a relationship, or a partner? "you nag like a wife" "it's like being married" "dude that was orgasmic"
this Need inside of us is so strong. I know tons of people who don't believe in love, and are probably thinking i'm off my rocker with this theory. But take a second and actually look at your life. I'm sure there's something in there you're doing that as a substitute. I'm not saying it's bad!
If you're good at your job.. great! that's wonderful! keep it up. We need you to keep the world spinning for us. Always be there for your friends. I could be one of them. Letting loose and partying is a necessity in life. PARTY ON!! Family is key, never turn your back on them. if you've pointed your energies towards god.. awesome, help me get on the righteous path with you, we'll chill in heaven together. If you're going for dating.. umm... always be SAFE.

All i wanna say with this theory, is that don't get SO comfy with your substitute. keep looking for your adam or eve. You wouldn't want your adam/eve to be so caught up and comfy with their substitutes that they gave up on finding you.. would you?
and seriously.. dont' ever mistake your substitute for the real thing. on a sad note... i'm sorry to say that this need might never be satisfied.. cause how will we ever know the real deal when it comes along?
just feel reassured that we all have this Need. and don't be so quick to judge people that are weakened because of it. remember that we're all in the same boat.

I'd also like to say.. that when speaking to your friends from now on... you should see them as your fellow junkies.

it is kinda like a drug.

we're all just junkies for the Need

Theory #8 - Theory of the Heart

They say it's Aristotle's fault that valentines is covered with pictures of hearts. From what i understand it was him who pushed the idea that the heart is the center of the human's body. and it's the one that controls our emotions.
Most people would argue that it's the brain that's the central station for anything cognitive, like thinking, and emotions and all that. I had a discussion with my psychology teacher in college once over this very subject.
I KINDA have to agree with Aristotle on this one.


Theory of the Heart

Your brain is essential to you, all your memories are there, all your thoughts are there, maybe it's an exaggeration, but when you think too hard, it's your head that hurts right?
Biologically we know that anything that happens to us physically gets sent through our nerves up to our brain to tell us what's what. Call me a romantic, but i still think it's our heart that's doing the living for us.

I still say when i love someone i love with my heart, and not just cause it's the popular saying, because it IS my essence, and it's my heart and not my brain that knows someone and feels their presence.

First of all from the little research i've done, it's said that the heart is the part that is formed FIRST in embryological development. secondly, it's the heart that decides whether we're alive or dead. you could be brain dead but still be alive, true not MUCH of a life, but think of it the other way round, you can't be in cardiac arrest but still be "technically" alive.

it's your heart that starts beating faster when you have emotions. People who will disregard this theory are the ones are claim to be "thinkers" and not "feelers"
truth is.. i think we're all a bit of both.

Why is it your heart that pounds so hard when you're happy... and why is it your heart that feels like it's about to be ripped outta your body when you're sad?
i dunno about you guys but my HEART hurts when i'm sad, i feel like it has a life of it's own that i can't control... even if it's
psychological why can't i believe that my heart does my thinking? and just cause it's my heart doing the thinking, why does that make a person "emotional" and therefore "irrational"? if it's your heart that's doing your thinking and living for you and
keeping you alive from one beat to the next, why is it irrational to follow it and stay alive?
Why can't it be my heart that's carrying all the love? and all the memories and thoughts?
If you think about anything in your body, everything happens for a reason, actions, reflexes.. all that... what about the heart beat? what STARTS a heart beat when we're babies?

what slows it down and stops it when we're dead. i wanna say love.. and i'm not talking about loving your mate.. i'm talking about all kinds of love... a mother's love, family love, siblings, friends, children, and yes.. lovers. i don't think it's an exaggeration to say that you could die of lonileness or pain... thsoe arent' the ONLY ways of dying... but i'm just saying it could happen... when there's nothing to love.. what WILLS the heart to keep beating if we're not even sure what makes it
beat in the first place?

we all have souls..
it makes sense to believe that our soul lives in four chambers of the heart, not in our brains... and there's nothing irrational about me saying that.


Yafi, you'll be missed.