Theory #37 - Theory of "Love" vs. "In Love"

As everyone grows older they're all looking for someone to complete them. Someone they can spend the rest of their life with.
The most popular two ideas of "who to marry" has always fallen in my advice under two headings. You can either be lucky and be with the person you're in love with. Or you be with a someone who's your best friend.
The older generation are rather adamant about the concept of you being with someone who's your best friend, not necessarily in love with. I on the other hand am more of the "i gotta be crazy in love with the guy for it work" type. Lately though I've started to realize that maybe neither is truly the answer. My theory is that maybe what everyone needs is a combination of both.
I know you're probably thinking "DUH!" right about now, and if that's the case then you skip this theory, I just think it deserves some time spent thinking about it.

I think being in love is amazing. It's fun, it's invigorating, and most of all it's consuming. It consumes your thoughts, your minds, your time... everything. There's something so seductive about being consumed, that we ache for it.
If you were to imagine being in love as two people staring continuously at one another, you'd maybe get a clearer picture. They stare at each other and wrap themselves in this little bubble and are oblivious to the world spinning around them. As much as this is fun, everyone knows that this can also be dangerous. If you're too busy looking at your partner you're not gonna see where or who you're stepping on. You're also not gonna know what to do when the staring is over. It's very well known that love usually and eventually diminishes and fades, but I think that's just the case with THIS type of love. when you're IN LOVE with someone. eventually, you're really gonna want to look away from that face.

Antoine De Saint-Exupery, best known for writing "The Little Prince" writes "Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction".
I love this quote for the purpose that it explains and demonstrates a lot of what i see friendship as. I LOVE many of my friends, and in the end, those are the people i want as companions for the rest of my life. It's great to be in love and get lost in someone's eyes, neckline, and just melt in their hands, but you can't do that every day for the rest of your life. you want the people you can sit next to, and look outward together. I'm taking the quote quite literally for a moment... if you think about it, you want the one that you can sit in the cinema in the dark and whisper comments making fun about the movie. you want the ones that you can lie down next to in a park and watch the clouds together, you want the one you can sit next to for hours watching tv and actually enjoy your time together. It's SUPPOSED to be the one you can enjoy long drives together. you don't have to look at one another. Every second of every day does not have to be about each other.
It's about looking around at life together. Being able to see eye to eye on things without actually LOOKING at one another's eye (squint for cheesiness)

at the same time though, we all deserve to be in love with the person who's sharing this life with you. So as i said earlier. It's gotta be a combination of both. You can be two people staring at one another, getting in lost in one another, but you also need to make sure that this person you're staring it can also sit by you while you look out into the world at the same direction. Have coinciding goals and objectives in life, who sees life as you do. (this is the rather non-literal explanation of the quote, which is probably it's correct meaning)

Finding your soulmate doesn't mean that you're journey has ended and your life now will cease to exist cause you're reached the finish line. Finding your soul mate means you're no longer doing your life on your own anymore :)

Theory #36 - Theory of Unsatisfied Girls

I've realized recently that the majority of girls will never be satisfied with what a guy has to offer no matter what he shows of his personality. I had hopes to write this theory as a unisex theory, but unfortunately i don't know if it's the same thing for the opposite sex. Maybe a guy can fill me in on whether it's true or not.

This is the theory/realization i've come to: If a guy wants to get a girl all he has to do is be upfront about his behavior no matter how shady it may be, ESPECIALLY if it's shady.

Unfortunately girls are the kinds of creatures that are never satisfied with anything. I'm speaking ofcourse as for the majority of the female species. If a guy appears to be a good guy (whether he really is a good guy or he's just acting like one) a girl will most likely dig and dig for what's going on in the back. Thinking things like "there's no way he's a good guy, there must be something wrong". Even if the girl doesn't actually DIG.. when he performs one act of misdemeanor, she'll just feel as if she saw it coming.

On the other hand.. if a man is upfront about all his indiscretions and negative behaviors, the girl will STILL dig. it's like a sickness. but this time she won't dig for the shady stuff, she'll start digging for the "good guy". thinking things like "oh he acts like an ass, but i know under that he's a really good guy". It's like a girl always expects a guy to NOT be true about his nature or character to them. It's like some lie that's been drilled into our minds for centuries that guys never show their true colors to girls, which is a fact that nobody has bothered to find out if it's real or try to disprove after all this time or even correct. So the girls always think the opposite! it's weird but cool in some ways because it's so predictable of women.

my advice for guys.. be upfront about every bad thing about you. for some reason, girls wanna always feel like they've figured you out and they found the secret. and it's usually the OPPOSITE of whatever it is you appear on the outside.

I don't know if this one really counts as a theory, maybe i just feel like pointing this fact out to the women of the world so they can stop being such dumbasses. Sorry girls.... it's for your own good! I'm sure all of you have at least one or two female friends who you see this behavior in.

Happy hunting boys and girls!

Theory #35 - Theory of Commitment "Issues"

We've all heard it.
Guys and girls alike. We all know someone who clearly has commitment issues. But is that a necessarily a bad thing? I'm talking about commitment in many different things and especially in the person that you're dating or married to.

If you have a problem committing to a person, then you're not with the right person. You might not even realize it, but you're body is chemically rejecting the concept. At least that's what I think.

Most people would attribute having a commitment problems to psychological reasons, and although that may be the case, I don't think it's your brain that's the PROBLEM. I don't think your brain is wired wrong or anything. I think you're just protecting yourself.
The only reason you'd be freaking out about whatever position you're in at the moment is because you're imagining a better life without that person. If THAT'S the case, then you're definitely with the wrong person!
When you're with the right person, there IS no better situation than what you're in. You can't even imagine what life would be like without that person.

When you start thinking things like "this is the last person I'll ever be with in my life" or "i'll never kiss another person ever again".."I'll never have a first date again".. if you start getting knots in your stomach, or feel like there's a big stone sitting on your chest, then you have commitment issues.
Science tells us that our subconcious is constantly collecting information in the background of our brains that we don't necessarily pay attention to and we might not even remember, but our brain has it stored in there nonetheless. Could it be from the collective of that information, your brain is trying to send out a message to you but can't seem to put it words? Instead just puts it in a series of emotions.

It's healthy I believe to take risks every once in a while. To jump in with both feet and fall in love and try to commit, but if you're brain is sending a red light, you should atleast acknowledge that it's there. So SHOULD you fall flat on your face, you don't sit there and wonder why that happened. Take educated risks. Say "ok.. something tells me that this might not be a good idea, but it's worth it to give it a try".. sure.. why not. I'm into snowboarding, skydiving... doing extreme activities appeals to me. I don't mind breaking my heart, thankfully god made it capable of healing.

This applies to commitment to other things as well. Commitments to friends, jobs.. etc... If it's not fitting you just right, then maybe it's the wrong fit. Don't get coaxed into this illusion of normalcy that people try to throw on you. Do what your body is telling you to do.

But if you're the type that can't get back up after falling down, and people are telling you to get over your commitment issues, then you should maybe reconsider what step you're gonna do next. Although I believe we've all been created strong enough to withstand just about anything.

As stupid as this sounds... there is an exception to this theory. Kinda like me disproving my own theory, but oh well... Sometimes, we haven't lived enough to experience life. In this case, we have "fears". Having fears is NOT the same as commitment issues although it is usually mistaken for the same thing. Fears of the unknown and the body resorts to "flight" mode. In this case it's NOT always a good idea to follow that emotion, because after you experience this new something, whatever it is.. you might realize you were silly for fearing it to begin with. Sometimes you need to stay.
Distinguishing the two possibilities, whether it's fear from the unknown or just commitment issues can only be done by sharing your thoughts with other people. Letting other people help you find WHICH is it. Maybe people who have more life experience and can help you through it all.

Theory #34 - Theory of Crying at Emotional Extremes

I think god made a trigger in our bodies that whenever we reach an extreme of an emotion, the tears come out flowing.
I don't think that means that EVERYTIME someone cries that means they reached their extreme. some people can trigger it prematurely. But i think everyone has different extremes. Or as we like to call it when it comes to pain, "thresholds". If you're not the type to cry so often, when you DO, that means you've reached an extreme. I don't think crying is just for sadness. i think we just associate it with sadness cause unfortunately people reach their extreme sadness much more often than they do the other emotions.

The ones I've observed are Happiness, Sadness, Anger, Pleasure, Fear, Love. That's what i've got so far. I've noticed that all humans when they reach the upper limit of these emotions, the tears come out. Which is why some people cry more than others, not cause they love someone more or they're angrier than the other, it's just cause their upper limit is lower than other people, so their bound to cry sooner.
I think god made the tears come out at the limit to let us know "watch it, you're breaking your limit and your body can't take it" I think it's really some kind of exhaustion of the body. it's EXTREME.
Just wish we'd reach the other emotion extreme more often. Not just sadness.

Does this make sense?

Theory #33 - Theory of the Allure of Smokin' Women.

What is it about a woman with a cigarette that drives men wild?

Long gone are the days in movies when only the "bad girls" are the ones seen holding a cigarette. Although cigarettes are still used in movies to depict characters as having flaws and therefore "normal". This is a conversation about movies for a WHOLE other time.

But it IS true, even in arabic cinema you could always spot the bad girls from the ones that are smoking. Usually the "bad girls" are also the girls that aren't virgins, they're labeled and seen as "experienced", so that in turn makes a much larger appeal to men. So indirectly in movies you could say that a girl smoking a cig is a bad girl and in turn, not a virgin, therefore there's a CHANCE you might get lucky. But my theory here goes beyond that.
I think when a woman holds a cigarette JUST right, and I don't mean just in the movies, I mean in real life too.. that men find that attractive. And I think I know why.

Theory of the Allure of Smokin' Women

Everyone knows no matter how hard we try, we want what we can't have. Again this isn't 100% ALL cases, but this is especially true for when people are just starting to get to know each other. Unfortunately it's human nature and I've seen this in so many of my friends and my own experiences, that the minute a partner gives us TOO much attention we become less attracted to them. But should they ignore us and make us feel that we're not that important, that we're dispensable, we start chasing after them as if you finally realized that THEY'RE the one for you. It's the same vice versa. Give a partner you're whole undivided attention and love and they start to wander, but play the goddamn "hard to get" game and it's like REAL magic. All lessons from EVERY woman from different walks in life say "You have to play hard to get" I try to fight that rule but it seems that it's immortalized for a reason. Men LIKE to chase. they are hunters. it's a primal urge.

So what does a woman with a cig offer a hunter?
A challenge.


When a woman is fatal, a character so seductive she could drive a man insane, they refer to her as a femme fatale. This name becoming famous from the Film Noir genre back in the old days. You know the story, a woman meets an average joe, makes him fall in love with her, and then makes him think it was HIS idea to kill her bad bad husband. and then somehow she fucks him over or he ends up killing her? Yup, the Femme Fatale. these women, the most notorious of all women, are usually depicted with a cigarette firmly attached to their hands. WHY?

Is it the smoke that comes out of it? making a very seductive lazy atmosphere around the woman that does it? Could be.
Is it because it draws attention to her lips,.... could be too.
It may even be that old idea of "if she smokes, she's experienced and she KNOWS things ;) "

But what i really think it is, is because that the woman is not giving the man her full attention...... because she's busy smoking.
Think about it. The guy is sitting there, looking at her, and the women has this air about her where she's sorta listening to him, but what she's doing FIRST is smoking a cigarette, THEN she's listening to him.
She's not having a cigarette while listening to the man try to seduce her.
She's listening to the man try to seduce her while she's having a cigarette.

LOTS of people phrase it that way in their everyday lives. Guys AND girls.
"come and stand with me outside while i have a cigarette"
"Yeah you have time to order coffee while i have this cigarette"

It's the ultimate competition because a man can't WIN this challenge. If the female in question was diverting her attention to another man, one of the men in play here would win her attention in the end. But with a cigarette, which as smokers know are smoked for pleasure, the man can't compete. As he looks at this woman who he's trying to win her affection, she's busy having her own pleasure session wrapped in nicotine.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to give someone 100% of your attention if you're smoking. Maybe 95%, maybe even 99%.. but never 100%. Whenever she's smoking her cig, she's concentrating and enjoying something other than YOU.
So if he's talking to her, and she takes a drag of her cigarette and puffs it out, somewhere in her mind, even if it's just a little voice is saying "yeah.... that feels goooood". The man is practically watching the woman pleasure herself. It sounds dirty, but i think underneath it all it's just a matter of where the attention is going. The girl is doing her thing, enjoying her cigarette, you, the man are just there to entertain her between puffs.
In the end, she's playing hard to get.

I've heard lots of men tell me that they actually don't think a girl smoking is attractive at all. I think those exceptions are for 1 of 3 reasons. 1. the guy himself is not a smoker. 2. Social practices has affected his POV on these matters and made him somewhat sexist. 3. She looks cheap or trashy when she smokes.

I like to think that the most common one is 3. Simply because when I ask a guy why he doesn't like girls smoking, he says a girl looks trashy, cheap. Here it's to say that the cigarette makes her look cheap or trashy. What I think is that if the girl handles the little white object a little differently, then the guy would think differently too. She obviously doesn't know how to smoke it JUST right. She's smoking it cause she needs to. cause she needs the nicotine. Smoke it like you ENJOY it (don't be perverted!!!!), and you'll look completely different. I'm not telling girls that now you need to simulate an orgasm with every puff. Don't be retarded.
Some girls can do this naturally, they make the pleasure of smoking a cigerette equal if not more to flirting with a potential mate.

If you're not a smoker, don't start.
You'll taste better.